Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Actually Safer Sex? | GO Magazine

Recently, I’ve been watching plenty of different health resources and neighborhood leaders explore just how lesbians have no need for condoms whatsoever within sex methods. And this concept frankly perplexes me personally! Whenever I read it somewhere, I stop and believe

huh? In which did they obtain less dangerous intercourse details from?

This really is part of a bigger social issue for the reason that lesbian, queer and bi women are frequently left out during the dialogue about intimate health insurance and STIs. Its as though individuals think

STIs

only originate from penises hence lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies cannot actually

have

penises.

News flash:
STIs can be offered in a variety of means
. Through epidermis to skin get in touch with. From anal sex. From dental sex. From sharing sex toys. Mostly whichever gender that you’re having, it really is most likely that STIs can possibly be handed down, from individual to individual. You’ll want to remember that lesbian, queer and bisexual women often have actually penises. Or sometimes we use dildos during sex. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier way to decrease the probability of STIs being passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, you’ll want to observe that it’s not the conclusion the planet should you decide taste positive for an STI. Your life as well as your sexual life are not more than. If we are able to get access to this kind of safer sex info, subsequently we could all develop and discover together—and convey more pleasurable intercourse!

We have now currently discussed
various shield practices
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies can use when sex with one another. And indeed, condoms come when it comes to those choices. You need condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in vagina or whenever having
anal sex
, if you are utilizing a dildo or dildo, and additionally reduce a condom down the heart (with scissors) if you want a dental dam for analingus or dental gender. Once we tell women who sleep together with other ladies they cannot

need

condoms to apply better sex, our company is perpetuating this misconception that our sex is actually intrinsically safe from any STIs getting discussed.

So many of my lesbian, queer and bisexual pals sometimes chuckle about how they do not practice much safer gender. We hear queer women make laughs about dental dams and just how they do not have as soon as made use of all of them. This helps make me personally ask yourself which within community do really exercise better gender? While we have beenn’t making use of barrier strategies, are we after that having in-depth talks about all of our sexual health before we f*ck? Are we continuously prioritizing obtaining analyzed between our very own partners? And not simply a pap smear (
for the reason that it does not include all of it
), but like acquiring a full work up?

I don’t state any of this as judgmental, whatsoever. I’ve been that woman to laugh about dental care dams. I have also got one-night stands where I didn’t focus on me personally or my partner’s intimate wellness. But I want all of us to-do better. I’d like united states to have actual, nuanced conversations about the sexual health. Given that it does matter, girls. And that I need to get past chuckling about dental dams and shrugging down condoms as an option.

Frequently within this conversation, I have asked

well, let’s say I want to utilize a dental care dam but she doesn’t think’s gorgeous?

This fear is indeed widespread that personally i think like many lesbian, queer and bisexual women are even scared to ask their own associates to practice less dangerous gender. But let me tell you a queer woman key, receiving oral gender through a dental dam is actually hot and feels incredible. In reality, the individual it certainly alters situations for is the individual giving the dental. It’s somewhat various of a personal experience, but the one that you can aquire utilized to! It is sexy for your person obtaining because 1. you’re both prioritizing both’s intimate health, that’s hot AF and 2. within my truthful viewpoint, it nonetheless seems pleasant as f*ck.

I also know-how difficult it can be to carry up the dialogue of STIs before you have sexual intercourse, especially if you’ve never really had intercourse with this individual before. A very important factor I’ve discovered in my many years of messily navigating sex and interactions usually once I talk with some body concerning form of intercourse the two of us desire and about what kind of barriers we want to use—You will find wayyyy much better gender. Like I’m not saying this simply because I’m a sex geek. I am suggesting my honest queer girl truth. Intercourse is most effective as soon as you explore need and your bodies initially.

Let us break it down.

You and this possible hookup do not know both’s bodies yet. Every individual features their very own needs and clicks and tactics, that switch them the f*ck on. Even though you could potentially play a guessing game if you are making love to figure out what ~feels very good~ for this brand-new individual, you might alternatively, speak about it ahead of time. Actually it fun to be able to f*ck someone the direction they wish to be f*cked? Then you definitely know already the go-to place on their behalf, in which you need establish to and how to get them to end up being putty inside hand.

About talking about what obstacles and/or toys you should utilize as long as you’re having sex—a lot of individuals think it’s extremely perhaps not hot and takes every fun from the jawhorse. But imagine if you’re making love nevertheless entire time you are nervous as you truly wanted to use a dental dam but don’t know how to tell this lady that and so now you can not have a climax since you’re very in your mind about not talking upwards to your requirements? That is no enjoyable for anyone, trust me. Once you get that dialogue out of the way prior to beginning making love, you then know to go for the condom when using your own strap-on or whether she actually is cool with liquid connection or perhaps not. They’re important areas of gender therefore must not ignore all of them.

I have research regarding people reading this immediately. The next time you are having an innovative new hookup with some one, try to incorporate a number of these talks if your wanting to hit the bedsheets to see what the answers are. I guess you that you’re going to involve some mind-blowing consensual better sex!

Got any sex concerns? Feel free to extend: [email protected]!